Phone stories

19 Jun




“Hi, Jennifer?”

Do I sound like a frigging Jennfier to you? Sh#t! unless I have the squeakiest voice in town and nobody has had the guts to inform me.

“No, you have the wrong number.”

“Who is this?”

“This is God, sweet child, and I can assure you there is no Jennifer here, just some forgotten runner ups in the race to Popedom.”

I mean: “what difference does it make, you know you dialed the f…ing wrong number?”

Sometimes I don’t understand people who insist on carrying a conversation when they have the wrong number; why not only apologize and hang up. Specially when they call at the most unusual hours.

1:02 am 


“Msbmmh…mm heallo, *yawwn*?”

“Is this the Watson’s residence?”

“No, Sherlock, you have the wrong number.”


1:03 am




“Is this the Watson’s residence?”

Did you just press fucking “redial” on your phone?

“You just called this same number, sir, Christ, what number did you want to dial?”


Amazing how in the middle of the night my brain is capable of processing mathematics, at least the basics.

“Ah, you have the wrong area code. Five-four-one covers the State of Oregon.” (I googled it for research, afterwards). You are calling Canada.

“Oh, my!”

“Oh, my? How about I am sorry I disturbed your sleep, @ hole?!?!”

“So there is a 3 hour time difference from where I am, and its frigging 1am in the morning!!!!”

“Oh, my.”


Seriously, the guy kept calling for a few weeks and he still did not understand he had the wrong area code!  Besides, I mean who on gay hell dials a number and opens up with:

“Is this the Watson’s residence?”

Well, if you were intending to call the Watson’s residence, who do you expect will answer on the other side of the line:  the Jetsons, the Huckstables, the Sopranos…?

In that case maybe yes, it’s better to ask the obvious if you do not recognize the voice on the other side:

“Hi, Jennifer…?”

Then I would go again like:

Do I sound like a frigging Jennfier to you? Sh#t! unless I have the squeakiest voice in town and nobody has had the guts to inform me. Yada yada yada been there, said that, and end of story.

However recently I got an unbelievable call



“Who’s this?”

“Who are you looking for, sir?”

“I am calling because I got this phone bill with your number on it and I have never dialed it before.”

Oh, now suddenly I am a customer service agent…?

“Obviously you have, because it is in your statement and you are calling back.”

“Well I wanted to know who lives here because I know nobody under this number.”

“You are the guy looking for the Watson ‘s, aren’t you?”




Just this morning, I got a phone call from my “coiffure” reminding me of  a haircut appointment for 12:15 am today.

Funny thing,  she did not have the wrong number, but I had my appointment two weeks ago.

2 Responses to “Phone stories”

  1. Aisha June 20, 2012 at 8:08 pm #

    Bhahaha!!! That is one of my biggest pet peeves. Why chat with the person when you have the wrong number? WTH do they think is gonna happen; Do they think that you will have this fabulous 2hr conversation and you will end up as soul mates. C’mon people this is real life not a romantic comedy. Apologize and hang up the damn phone already LOL

    • allomontreal June 20, 2012 at 10:58 pm #

      Seriously…like who is this? Does it really matter!!?? I can’t take it. Sometimes I wish I had the guts to answer: “yes this was Jennifer, but after my sex change you can call me Dylan”
      Hugs, Aisha

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