Things I learned this weekend

12 Jun

I had a very busy “long weekend” as I took some days off and flew down to the good ‘ol south, Atlanta, Georgia for one of my best friend’s wedding celebration.

Yup,  suddenly I found myself in Atlanta enjoying the company of great friends and experiencing the famed “southern hospitality;” then it was on my way to northern Georgia, rumor has it, home to probably the 893 cousins that made up the Hazzard family from the “Dukes” series, and the gorgeous venue of my friends’ celebration.

Aside from the fantastic and somewhat tearful (yes, I can shed a tear sometimes) wedding celebration, (guess who won the garter toss?), which was set in beautiful Wolf Mountain winery, I always have this antenna ready to pick up the most interesting and strange wavelength of events that may cross my way in uncharted territory.

So, here are some things that I learned this weekend:

-I have one degree of separation with Brooke Shields, Steve Buschemi, Rosie O’ Donnel, Woody Harrelson, and Steve Guttenberg.

-Never be surprised by the kindness of strangers that can become potential longtime friends in the making.

-Never start your dinner before the belssing prayer, else the corn pudding might go the wrong way.

-Fried Green Tomatoes actually exist and taste amazing. They are not just the title of a softcore lesbian chic flick!

-Yes, mexicans are still everywhere. Even at airports.

-People still believe a taco is either hardsell corn or a flour tortila with something eatable with tons of onions inside.”

-There is actually a book which prevents Satan from taking your kids.

The dark lord’s response to “Jesus, please make me a widow.”

-If rumour has it that you are mexican, expect somebody to ask you to shake your hips and dance salsa.

-If rumour has it you live in Canada, expect somebody to ask you about…hockey, what else?

“Excuse me, are you from Canada?”

“Yes.”

“Cool, do you play hockey?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

-When the priest translates the groom’s vows from Italian to English and refers to them as “tonight’s specials” you know you are in for one hell of a party.

Pardon the choice of words

-That I definitely do not know the answer to humanity’s long posed question:

Was Bea Arthur actually a guy in drag all this years?

“So, what’s your favourite wedding song?”

Didn’t see that one coming.

-That I really don’t want to be Michael Fassbender, no matter how many covers he adorns in America, sadly he is only associated to a dick.

By the way, if I were to learn how to AMP UP my sex appeal, from him I’d probably need to be over 6ft tall and have a 12 inch “HEELLLLOOOOO!”

-If a book calls your attention buy it, you might regret it later.

“Sorry, wrong one”

-It’s ok to watch the “Twilight” saga or “The Big Bang Theory” on board a flight, nobody will ever know you did.

-That I really don’t like the “Twilight” saga nor “The Big Bang Theory.”

-When people learn that I am Mexican they actually expect me to sound like Sofia Vergara in “Modern Family.”

-Ricky Gervais has one twisted hell of a mind. His show “Life is too short” with Warwick Davis is just so wrong.

-Why, have I missed eight glorious seasons of “Curb your Enthusiasm?” and barely missed, and I quote Seth Abramovitch:

“The most inspired comedic display of budding queendom since The Onion’s now-classic, How To Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate Son.”

-That I actually look pretty hot in a suit

This I did after reading an interview to Michael Fassbender in GQ  entitled “How to amp up your sex appeal.”

-That why on Earth would someone take a picture of himself inside a bathroom wearing a suit.

-That is good to be back home.

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4 Responses to “Things I learned this weekend”

  1. RositaGotPromoted June 12, 2012 at 8:57 pm #

    For g-d’s sake, why would you take a picture of yourself in the bathroom?????

    • allomontreal June 12, 2012 at 9:37 pm #

      Just for the point of illustrating this entry 😉

      And I did not learn this from Michael Fassbender

  2. Aisha June 20, 2012 at 8:03 pm #

    OMG!!! I was cracking up reading this. Those books are crazy and I love the things you’ve learned. I needed a good laugh today. Thank you 🙂

  3. allomontreal June 20, 2012 at 10:55 pm #

    Thank you Aisha, my loyal friend and inspirational guru! do recommend me if you like it. Is always nice to read your thoughts

    BEST!

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