Tag Archives: daytime

A blender, a book, and a hula.

27 Oct

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I feel for all of you stay home moms or dads in America. Your daytime television is a disaster.

Last Thursday, I decided to work from home as my post vacation cold was getting the best of me and per experience when you show up with a cold at the office, some people treat you like a leper.

I think what finally cured my runny nose and sneezing was not the doses of NeoCitron but the shock of actually having daytime TV from the US as background noise.

This is what I learned.

The Travis Stork Show.

“Say what? What do you mean the show is called, The Doctors?”

Yes, this is a show about four doctors, kinda like having four “Dr. Oz’s” in one. The catch to captivate the female audience, is the fact that there is a cute one, Travis Stork, and all the show evolves around him. He is the only one who talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, shows biceps, talks, shows chest, talks, smiles to the camera, talks, wears the gym outfits, and talks, he for the whole hour, while the other three…well lets say they better be looking for another job outside the network and considering changing agents.

Daytime crap shows follow the same pattern. It is simple. They bring a guest, he/she offers a tear jerker testimonial of how they lost 7000 pounds by using a hula and “presto:”

THE WHOOOOOLE AUDIENCE GETS A HUUULA!

Screams and clapping from audience.

Then we have a stay home dad who looked like Omar Khadr, but discovered that by walking 15 minutes a day you could change your lifestyle, become a hunk and a published author.

“The Pains of Looking like a Terrorist and Being Fat!”

THE WHOOOOLE AUDIENCE GETS THE BOOK

Screams and clapping from audience.

Act Three. A woman shows up and mentions how he lost weight by changing her eating habits and drinking shakes made with Greek yoghurt.

THE WHOLE AUDIENCE GETS…A BLENDER!!!!!!!”

Screams and clapping from audience.

Seriously, for over an hour I did not hear anything else but the audience yelling, screaming and clapping by being given all those freebies. Who is gonna carry all that crap, anyway?

A hula? Really?

I mean if it were a car or at least a job. No, a blender, a book and a hula. Bliss.

Afterwards to make the pain excruciating, there is the eternal household game show. “The Price is Right.”

Seriously. I have known this show for decades and I can’t even tell you how annoyed I get by stupid contestants who after 40 years still don’t know that if you want to win the car in “Hi s and Low s” you never, NEVER, EVER, choose the Preparation H ointment or the Tide with Sheer Color Guard,

PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE!

I can understand that the Marine Corp. may not know how much is the price of a glamorous collection of maternity clothes but bidding $2000dls. for a trip to Australia!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Lets not go into the showcase showdown, where I have won in my head 34 Speedboats, 12 cars, 6 trailers, 78 trips around the world, 247 dining rooms and never gone over.

Sigh. Yes that is what TV has to offer for stay home people. That and Barbara Walters questioning “Why nobody in America has brought up the fact that Mitt Romney is a Mormon?

Let me tell you why.

“Babs, -I call her Babs-. Nobody cares he is a Mormon, people would care if he had 8 wives locked in a basement with 6 children each calling him “papa” and he would publicly confess he owns a Starbucks franchise.”

There.

“Oh, Thank God, I think the NeoCitron is finally kicking in.”

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