Not another “50 Shades of Grey” post

17 Sep


So my agent called me and told me I lost the part of Christian Grey to Justin Bieber in the upcoming movie project adaptation of “50 Shades of Beaver, ahem, Grey.”

I was like, “WTF? I would have done it for less, much less.”

Well, he does look much more like a 21 year old virgin than I do.

Then I was told he would be playing the guy and that really pissed my Inner Goddess off.

So I called my agent again and I was like, “WTF, I lost the virgin part to Justin Bieber and now he is playing a dude, can’t you do anything, right it’s like your managing Cuba Gooding Jr. s career!!!!”

My Inner Goddess just wants to scream so loud but instead decides to appeal to sanity so she pours herself a double scotch to ease the tension.

Yes, my Inner Goddess is a drunk too.


See, I too can play to that tune.

Seriously, I mean. Is Justin Bieber old enough to go to a bookstore and purchase “50 shades of Grey”? I would guess he definitely needs to read the book in order to understand what he is getting himself into.

“Excuse me sir, do you have “50 Shades of Grey” in paperback? ”

“Sorry, young lady but that kind of literature is for 40 year old virgins. May I suggest The Tales of Beddle the Bard, instead?’

I even wonder how the auditions for the part would go:

Director: “Please read and interpret the following quote: “Poor, f—ed up, kinky, philanthropic Christian.””

Justin: “Hey, it’s not nice to call Christians names. I have really good Lutheran neighbors up my street. What is a philanthropic?”

I even heard he wrote a song called “Inner Goddess”

If I was your Inner Goddess, I’d never let you go
I can take you places you ain’t never been before
Baby take a chance or you’ll never ever know
I got money in my hands that I’d really like to blow
Swag swag swag, on you

Chillin by the fire why we eatin’ fondue
I dunno about me but I know about you
So say hello to falsetto in three two.
I’d like to be everything you want.

Inner Goddeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssss!

Pretty clever, huh?

Then my agent called again and suggested that maybe I should open a twitter account under the name: “Inner Goddess” and provide some advice, just like Dionne Warwick but sassier but guess what?

“The “Inner Goddess” already has one and a frigging blog with it!!!!!!!” (I’ve just become her follower).

Some people just have it all, don’t they.

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