Thunder, thunder, thunder, thunderstoooorms, HOOOOOO!

30 May

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Montreal became yesterday an apocalyptic chaos.

Students’ protests? No.  But how bout a shitload of rain! Fifty milimeters to be exact, ah! but served with an overture of lightning bolts and thunder since 5am in the frigging morning and an encore presentation around 6pm.

Personally lightning does not bother me. It bothers my cat and my sleep.

The only reason lighting frightens me is due to the constant psychosis that dwells in my head that I will be struck by one and it will not exit through my left big toe.

I have had this paranoia since I was eight after I read one of those articles in “Readers Digest,” you know the type where extreme accidents happen to people in midwestern America and live to tell it.

This one in particular was titled, of course, “Struck by Lightning!”

It told the story of a young boy in some lost place in Iowa who was struck by lightning during a soccer match in a wet field during a thunderstorm. I mean, “what are the odds?”

Though the possibilities of being struck by one are  576000 to 1 and to be killed by one are 2320000 (google it, its true!), I believe much depends on where you are and even on your social background.

Look at Electro, Spiderman’s feared villain. He was a noble cable guy struck by one and became one of the most feared and powerful bad boys in the Marvel Universe. Too bad he was not a Québécois and worked for Videotron, that at least would have encouraged him out of hate and low wages, to destroy that dreadful company and rid us of it all!

I loved to play Electro when we chose superheroes and villains among friends. My friend Raphael, (who believed God had plans for him to be bit by a radioactive spider at some point in life,) would always play the good SpiderMan while everyone else played the bad guys.

I also wanted as a kid to dress up as Electro for Halloween and go trick or treating, but the story was always different at home.

“Sweetie I have your Snoopy costume ready for Halloweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!”

So sad.

Anyway all this lightning and thunderstorms that hit Montreal completely screw over my day since 7am. I had to drive to the metro, where I surprisingly found a free spot,I had to run under my half dead purple umbrella fearing bullying and of course that chance # 576000 would happen and I would be struck by a lightning bolt with terrible consecuences, like becoming a militant of Québec Solidaire.

Fortunately I made it to the subway entrance without a scratch and surprisingly dry and when I was just about to curse back at the storm, Mother Nature had the last laugh.

I forgot my fucking wallet at home.

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2 Responses to “Thunder, thunder, thunder, thunderstoooorms, HOOOOOO!”

  1. Aisha June 1, 2012 at 3:00 pm #

    Dear lord man! You misadventures are just too much. Your blog is great. I needed a good laugh today and you didn’t disappoint 🙂

  2. allomontreal June 2, 2012 at 11:29 pm #

    Your highness we should ride a blog together.

    My pleasure. Recommend me with your other cynical crayola friends from the box if you think they will enjoy me

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